Wow I don't even know where to begin with this.
Cursing, Drinking, hypocriticism, lying, backstabbing, fake people.
Now that I got that out. Maybe now you will know where I'm going with this.
I have been in church my whole life! I was saved at age 7 ( I believe)
never in my whole life until the last 5 years have I ever experienced so much heart ache from church. Not just one church either. Because I have left and tried to start fresh, but the Lord knocked me down on that. That experience was just WOW.. not going there.
Have you ever had a desire or a passion to do something so bad and its like no one even notices you. and then you see someone up there doing it, who is one person at church, but then another person outside of church. its very hurtful, especially when you are the one who is actually trying to do right!
I do not think that someone that is open on facebook or twitter about their partying or language should be able to represent a church or be able to stand on a stage and minister.
This right here is a prime example of why ppl do not come to church. They get hurt and think all churches are this way. now I will also say this. The more ppl you know and the more involved you get into a church, you find out a bunch of CRAP, and it distracts you from becoming closer to God, because you will find yourself thinking about what that person did the night before or what they are going to be doing after service.. it totally throws you off.
we are not supposed to be teaching ppl how easy it is to get away with sin, we are supposed to be teaching them about love and serving, and living like Christ did.
have you ever read in the bible about Jesus partying the night before he went out into the streets to spread the word? ummmm no!
And maybe this is what happens when you are raised in the bible belt, but come on ppl its preached to you all the time about the sins of everyday life and how we are to stay away.
And no I'm not perfect, we all slip and fall, but at least I am trying and I'm no longer struggling with half the stuff I once was.
someone once told me that I'd be surprised if I knew half of what these ppl were going through, and you know what I think. I don't want to know!!!! don't spread the gossip about someone!!!! don't make it facebook or twitter announced what you do especially if you are in ministry GAH ppl come on!!!!!
I have been in one BIG funk lately and I think its because I am so burned out on how things are going around my town and in my church and in my life!
I am ready for a change, and God is the only one who can give me the kind of change I need!
I hope this blog has spoke to someone, and maybe it will convict them!
if not your sin will find you out! There is no gray in church, its just black and white. You will be found out, God does not like Luke warm ppl, it says in the bible he will spit you out!
you will get spit out!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
My World
A lot has been going on these last couple weeks. It seems like I'm busy busy busy all the time.
I need a vacation, and a vacation before October.That's when I leave for my 10 day cruise! woohooo I cannot wait! even though I get so sea sick and have to stay drugged up on Dramamine, its totally worth traveling the world to see all of Gods wonderful creations!
The girls lock - in has been approved and now i am working on getting all the final details done. I have to build 3 frames ( thank goodness I made an A+ in AG shop)
Its going to be awesome!
The name for the lock - in is Live Laugh Love
and our girls group name is going to be extravagant grace! I love it and I can wait to announce it to the girls the night of the lock - in . I think they will be so excited to have a group just for girls. I have a lot of plans for this group! I'm going to make a fb group and post daily women's devotionals.
I'm so excited! God has laid this on my heart for quite sometime. Now its time for me to get to working on it!
Speaking of God laying stuff on my heart. ministry school has once again popped up to the surface.
I do not want to move away right now. I know that's what has stopped me all the times before.
I have been looking up online schools for ministry as well. I am not sure what to do about this desire in my heart. I often think about the time I got accepted into Hill Song in Australia! Wow my life would be totally different right now! And then when I got accepted into Rehma! ha ha oh lord my life for sure would have been changed. God Thank you for working things out for your will, and not mine!
I am not sure whats going to happen in my future, but I do know that God can use me here just as well as anywhere else. And I also know that you don't have to go to ministry school in order for God to use you in a church, My time will come. I know it will. Or I wouldn't see it in my dreams every night!
I have been itching to go get more pictures done. I'm thinking of going to Shakespeare park on one Saturday. But maybe one day ill be getting engagement pictures done there! Oops did I say that too soon!
I have been thinking about photography for myself also. I'm just keeping an open mind on a lot of different things I could do, if for some reason I don't pass my test. ( that dang test!!!!)
I will start traveling again to Montgomery with in the next couple weeks. I'm scared to do this because, when I'm put on the spot my nerves kick in and my brain is lost somewhere in left field!
But only God knows what he wants me to do and right now I feel like I'm doing just that. Singing in the youth is crazy awesome i love it. and I have also thought about talking to the worship minister in the main sanctuary about singing on Sundays.
I also want to add this in my blog. Best friends, this topic has been on my heart a lot lately, well ever since Caia and I have started having problems. We both have not been the same for a while now. Things happen and ppl are in your life for certain seasons. Now I have been the bigger person and tried to ignore certain things, but if she cant move on from certain things, then its going to be impossible for us to work things out. So I have decided to let her do her thing and when she is ready to move on from her past and realize that everyone makes mistakes then we can talk and try to hang out again, but for now its best for me to just let her be. Because I have to get things lined up in my life in order for things to fall into the right places. just like Bishops service yesterday about the hour glass. What a perfect example.
I needed that service yesterday! It was so fulfilling. I cannot wait for practice and service this week in the youth. me and jamasha were talking yesterday and we feel and explosion coming to our youth group. And if its not in them then its in me and ill take that too!
God is truly amazing and I cannot wait to see what happens in the next few months.
~ALM~
I need a vacation, and a vacation before October.That's when I leave for my 10 day cruise! woohooo I cannot wait! even though I get so sea sick and have to stay drugged up on Dramamine, its totally worth traveling the world to see all of Gods wonderful creations!
The girls lock - in has been approved and now i am working on getting all the final details done. I have to build 3 frames ( thank goodness I made an A+ in AG shop)
Its going to be awesome!
The name for the lock - in is Live Laugh Love
and our girls group name is going to be extravagant grace! I love it and I can wait to announce it to the girls the night of the lock - in . I think they will be so excited to have a group just for girls. I have a lot of plans for this group! I'm going to make a fb group and post daily women's devotionals.
I'm so excited! God has laid this on my heart for quite sometime. Now its time for me to get to working on it!
Speaking of God laying stuff on my heart. ministry school has once again popped up to the surface.
I do not want to move away right now. I know that's what has stopped me all the times before.
I have been looking up online schools for ministry as well. I am not sure what to do about this desire in my heart. I often think about the time I got accepted into Hill Song in Australia! Wow my life would be totally different right now! And then when I got accepted into Rehma! ha ha oh lord my life for sure would have been changed. God Thank you for working things out for your will, and not mine!
I am not sure whats going to happen in my future, but I do know that God can use me here just as well as anywhere else. And I also know that you don't have to go to ministry school in order for God to use you in a church, My time will come. I know it will. Or I wouldn't see it in my dreams every night!
I have been itching to go get more pictures done. I'm thinking of going to Shakespeare park on one Saturday. But maybe one day ill be getting engagement pictures done there! Oops did I say that too soon!
I have been thinking about photography for myself also. I'm just keeping an open mind on a lot of different things I could do, if for some reason I don't pass my test. ( that dang test!!!!)
I will start traveling again to Montgomery with in the next couple weeks. I'm scared to do this because, when I'm put on the spot my nerves kick in and my brain is lost somewhere in left field!
But only God knows what he wants me to do and right now I feel like I'm doing just that. Singing in the youth is crazy awesome i love it. and I have also thought about talking to the worship minister in the main sanctuary about singing on Sundays.
I also want to add this in my blog. Best friends, this topic has been on my heart a lot lately, well ever since Caia and I have started having problems. We both have not been the same for a while now. Things happen and ppl are in your life for certain seasons. Now I have been the bigger person and tried to ignore certain things, but if she cant move on from certain things, then its going to be impossible for us to work things out. So I have decided to let her do her thing and when she is ready to move on from her past and realize that everyone makes mistakes then we can talk and try to hang out again, but for now its best for me to just let her be. Because I have to get things lined up in my life in order for things to fall into the right places. just like Bishops service yesterday about the hour glass. What a perfect example.
I needed that service yesterday! It was so fulfilling. I cannot wait for practice and service this week in the youth. me and jamasha were talking yesterday and we feel and explosion coming to our youth group. And if its not in them then its in me and ill take that too!
God is truly amazing and I cannot wait to see what happens in the next few months.
~ALM~
Monday, July 11, 2011
Change
How many times will you let something take over your life?
Well I have had about enough of depression, sickness, and just CRAP always following me around like a black rain cloud.
I know God reins in my life, and He will continue to rein in my life FOREVER.
I had some very important one on one time with God this morning. I know my gifts that he has given me are too good to waste, or to be tossed to the side.
I finished my plans for the Extravagant Grace Lock- In
its amazing the things God gives you when you are actually listening. I pray that I will get all of this approved. Its been on my heart for quite sometime. and I am so proud of our crew coming together and putting action to our words.
One thing that I have to work on and this is the main thing God hit me with....
if you don't stay built up in him, and don't stay in his word. You will fall.
So I will get back to my devotionals, daily readings, and praying.
I have noticed alot of change in alot of areas in my life and walk with God, and they all have to get fixed now.
for one you cant have a relationship with out Gods blessings. And that's another thing that is on my heart. I want mine and Rogers relationship to last forever, I know we have to let God use us for what He wants us to do.
I know God has big plans for me. I hear it and feel it all the time.
Its heart breaking to think (what if I have already let Him -God down)
I know God is patient and Kind and has the heart of Grace and forgiveness ( AND 2nd CHANCES)
God isn't finished using me.
I am excited for tonight, we have our CREW meeting to turn in all our ideas for what we were assigned. Mine of course the LOCK-In
and I also cant wait to hear about the Band, I'm excited to hear about what they have planned for the BIG service in September.
We are finally going to learn some of the songs from forward2011. I think our group is very excited about that!
God nothing can keep me from your love! Thank you for your merciful heart!
Thank you for pulling me out of my mess again!
Well I have had about enough of depression, sickness, and just CRAP always following me around like a black rain cloud.
I know God reins in my life, and He will continue to rein in my life FOREVER.
I had some very important one on one time with God this morning. I know my gifts that he has given me are too good to waste, or to be tossed to the side.
I finished my plans for the Extravagant Grace Lock- In
its amazing the things God gives you when you are actually listening. I pray that I will get all of this approved. Its been on my heart for quite sometime. and I am so proud of our crew coming together and putting action to our words.
One thing that I have to work on and this is the main thing God hit me with....
if you don't stay built up in him, and don't stay in his word. You will fall.
So I will get back to my devotionals, daily readings, and praying.
I have noticed alot of change in alot of areas in my life and walk with God, and they all have to get fixed now.
for one you cant have a relationship with out Gods blessings. And that's another thing that is on my heart. I want mine and Rogers relationship to last forever, I know we have to let God use us for what He wants us to do.
I know God has big plans for me. I hear it and feel it all the time.
Its heart breaking to think (what if I have already let Him -God down)
I know God is patient and Kind and has the heart of Grace and forgiveness ( AND 2nd CHANCES)
God isn't finished using me.
I am excited for tonight, we have our CREW meeting to turn in all our ideas for what we were assigned. Mine of course the LOCK-In
and I also cant wait to hear about the Band, I'm excited to hear about what they have planned for the BIG service in September.
We are finally going to learn some of the songs from forward2011. I think our group is very excited about that!
God nothing can keep me from your love! Thank you for your merciful heart!
Thank you for pulling me out of my mess again!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
my weekend!
I must say that family gatherings with my family never end on a good note.
We all went to the beach for my moms birthday and of course jason and haley have to have it there way or no way. Which makes arguments very easy. Jason of course never listens. And when my mom isn't happy no one is happy. Its always something with my family. When im around them for more than like 3 hours my anger issues surface. I hate to leave my family ill or upset. And today I did. But it took them two hours to call and ask if I was ok. It just makes me feel like no one cares. They just care about themselves. Sometimes I ask myself if I will ever understand my screwed up family.
When one thing happens that is upsetting my whole world changes. My depression sinks in, I think that everyone is upset with me. I feel like its just me in my little house. And no one can hear me. Im tired of being this way. Im tired of always being stressed and worried and depressed. I don't want to go to back to counseling.
I want to be happy.
I met a girl singing on the pier and I thought to myself, what happened to pursuing my dreams, well life gets in the way! That's what happens!
Life sucks sometimes!
My life sucks!
Im 24 this shouldn't be my life!
Anyways im tired of talking about it!
Im going to bed
We all went to the beach for my moms birthday and of course jason and haley have to have it there way or no way. Which makes arguments very easy. Jason of course never listens. And when my mom isn't happy no one is happy. Its always something with my family. When im around them for more than like 3 hours my anger issues surface. I hate to leave my family ill or upset. And today I did. But it took them two hours to call and ask if I was ok. It just makes me feel like no one cares. They just care about themselves. Sometimes I ask myself if I will ever understand my screwed up family.
When one thing happens that is upsetting my whole world changes. My depression sinks in, I think that everyone is upset with me. I feel like its just me in my little house. And no one can hear me. Im tired of being this way. Im tired of always being stressed and worried and depressed. I don't want to go to back to counseling.
I want to be happy.
I met a girl singing on the pier and I thought to myself, what happened to pursuing my dreams, well life gets in the way! That's what happens!
Life sucks sometimes!
My life sucks!
Im 24 this shouldn't be my life!
Anyways im tired of talking about it!
Im going to bed
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Saturday, June 25, 2011
moving forward
As of now im heading to the last forward session of FORWARD11. So far it has been nothing but uplifting services. Our youth group REMIX is awesome this year. I have been truly blessed to have great girls in my room this year. (:
My number one prayer for this years forward11 conference is that our kids come back changed.
On a side note, I wish we could have stayed in a different hotel. Not a big fan of drugs and random guys walking around on the girls floor. The aweful smell of cigarettes and weed is not something I want to wake up to ever again. Lol
And now its time to catch you up since my last post.
Unfortunately I did not pass my test once again. I know I said I was through either pass or fail. But if you get another chance take it. So I have 1 more chance. I have until December. And during that time I plan on going up to school in Montgomery on my free weekends and studying with my teachers.
But anyways besides that everything is ok. Work is work.
Roger and I are great. He truly is amazing, I couldn't be happier.
But I will admit that I was tested so.hard on this trip. I felt like I couldn't pray or worship around Him which is really weird because I have never been that way around him. But finally whatever that was broke, so.im good now. Its such a great feeling to worship next to the one God has designed for you! (:
I can't wait to see where we are in a year! (: im so happy with him. He truly is the best! I could just eatum up!!! Lol
So another crazy moment that has happened on this trip. Brittany has not left my thought process and it seems like each speaker has spoke about loosing someone. And I would just cry right then and there.
Then I saw all these kids worshipping and I remembered how that was brittanys favorite part of camp is when we all ran to the front. And I was like I bet this is all brittany is doing in heaven!! How awesome. And then I couldn't help but think about what if she was here! And I just prayed for her and her families. Then when I opened my eyes all I saw were our BRIGHT YELLOW SHIRTS. So brittany! Thank you for smiling down on me! I love you and miss you!
So now im walking into the arena to save seats. Expecting God to do amazing things!
I love you all
~ALM~
My number one prayer for this years forward11 conference is that our kids come back changed.
On a side note, I wish we could have stayed in a different hotel. Not a big fan of drugs and random guys walking around on the girls floor. The aweful smell of cigarettes and weed is not something I want to wake up to ever again. Lol
And now its time to catch you up since my last post.
Unfortunately I did not pass my test once again. I know I said I was through either pass or fail. But if you get another chance take it. So I have 1 more chance. I have until December. And during that time I plan on going up to school in Montgomery on my free weekends and studying with my teachers.
But anyways besides that everything is ok. Work is work.
Roger and I are great. He truly is amazing, I couldn't be happier.
But I will admit that I was tested so.hard on this trip. I felt like I couldn't pray or worship around Him which is really weird because I have never been that way around him. But finally whatever that was broke, so.im good now. Its such a great feeling to worship next to the one God has designed for you! (:
I can't wait to see where we are in a year! (: im so happy with him. He truly is the best! I could just eatum up!!! Lol
So another crazy moment that has happened on this trip. Brittany has not left my thought process and it seems like each speaker has spoke about loosing someone. And I would just cry right then and there.
Then I saw all these kids worshipping and I remembered how that was brittanys favorite part of camp is when we all ran to the front. And I was like I bet this is all brittany is doing in heaven!! How awesome. And then I couldn't help but think about what if she was here! And I just prayed for her and her families. Then when I opened my eyes all I saw were our BRIGHT YELLOW SHIRTS. So brittany! Thank you for smiling down on me! I love you and miss you!
So now im walking into the arena to save seats. Expecting God to do amazing things!
I love you all
~ALM~
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Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Study Study Study
As it gets closer to my test the days seem to go by way to fast. I want the to go by slow, so I can study as much as possible.
Today is Wednesday, this is my last day to study, because Im not supposed to study the day before the test.
Just sitting here thinking about it makes me go into panic mode.
On Sunday it seemed like I got hit so hard with everything. Church was awesome. It was one of those "Heaven on Earth" services. The part that was hardest, was when I saw Mrs. Kim with Pastor Anessa. This was her first church service since the passing of Brittany and Shep. I couldnt help but to weap the whole service. When service was over I went straight to her and hugged and loved on her for a while. Her heart seems so tender, and so brittle. But she had the strength to get up and come to church. Thats a big step, she is doing good. alot better than expected.
Sunday afternoon I had a bridal shower to go to and I felt so awkward the whole time. So I ended up leaving and I went to subway for supper and got home and I was sick the whole night :( I still pressed through and studied as much as I could.
These week I think I have study more than ever, kinda hard to say. But I have put in 3 to 4 hours each day. I just hope and pray it pays off.
I made up my mind on Sunday and I prayed to God that no matter what happens Friday with this test, that I am done! Pass or Fail. I will not take this test again.
I kept reminding myself of the scripture, for I know the plans I have for you! His plans may not be mine.
Im tired of stressing out of what im going to do with my future, or this test!
Roger has been a big help with helping me study! He actually doesnt make fun of me when I get something wrong, and he helps explain it to me. He truly is the best I have ever had! :) God sure made this one just for me! :)
So now speaking of studying, im ending this blog so I can go study on my lunch break!
~ALM~
Today is Wednesday, this is my last day to study, because Im not supposed to study the day before the test.
Just sitting here thinking about it makes me go into panic mode.
On Sunday it seemed like I got hit so hard with everything. Church was awesome. It was one of those "Heaven on Earth" services. The part that was hardest, was when I saw Mrs. Kim with Pastor Anessa. This was her first church service since the passing of Brittany and Shep. I couldnt help but to weap the whole service. When service was over I went straight to her and hugged and loved on her for a while. Her heart seems so tender, and so brittle. But she had the strength to get up and come to church. Thats a big step, she is doing good. alot better than expected.
Sunday afternoon I had a bridal shower to go to and I felt so awkward the whole time. So I ended up leaving and I went to subway for supper and got home and I was sick the whole night :( I still pressed through and studied as much as I could.
These week I think I have study more than ever, kinda hard to say. But I have put in 3 to 4 hours each day. I just hope and pray it pays off.
I made up my mind on Sunday and I prayed to God that no matter what happens Friday with this test, that I am done! Pass or Fail. I will not take this test again.
I kept reminding myself of the scripture, for I know the plans I have for you! His plans may not be mine.
Im tired of stressing out of what im going to do with my future, or this test!
Roger has been a big help with helping me study! He actually doesnt make fun of me when I get something wrong, and he helps explain it to me. He truly is the best I have ever had! :) God sure made this one just for me! :)
So now speaking of studying, im ending this blog so I can go study on my lunch break!
~ALM~
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Inside my bubble
So I just though I would catch you guys up on a few things.
Yesterday marked 3 months since Brittany and Baby Shep's accident. Its amazing how time goes by so quickly. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them or their family. Brooke posted today on fb for the first time in a month. I can still hear the pain through her message. My thoughts and prayers go out to them daily. I know we will all get to see them again. I cant wait to see Brittany's Beautiful smile. and Shep's lil laugh. :)
I know they are constantly sending down love and comfort. And I pray they continue to do so. especially for the family.
Love you Britt and Shep!
My test is next Friday.....
Lets just say my heart drops in my stomach every time I say that. I feel that I could be more prepared, but I just don't have the time or the energy. I feel like I know a lot, So I'm just going to go in there with a positive attitude and Jesus on my side! I Pray I pass!
Roger and I are Wonderful! I couldn't be happier! He is such a wonderful man of God! :)
I don't think I have ever been this happy in my life.. its like everything is falling into place.
I was reading my journal the other night and all of my entries were sad love poems or love songs. One was a love prayer, and well I must say my prayer was answered! It pays off to obey God and to be patient! :)
I cant wait to see what the future holds for us! So much has already happened, I'm not sure if he realizes it or not, but I know that God has already started for mold us and shape us! :)
<3
I am back down to one job. lol
No more cleaning up after cats!!! thank god!
I haven't cleaned at the beach, because i have been studying so much for my test!
My best friend and I are so great! Caila is the best. We realized yesterday how close we really are. WE do everything alike! are boyfriends are even similar! LOL
anyways I love her!
moving on! I finally got my house clean and my flower beds redone! front and back!:) Roger bought me a water hose like i wanted! LOL he is the best! :)
I actually talked to my neighbor last night for a long time, we actually have a lot in common! he seems like a pretty cool guy! :) glad to know I have a great neighbor! :)
Anyways I better get back to work! :)
Oh P.S Im going to see Lady Antebellum Saturday!!! :)
~ALM~
Yesterday marked 3 months since Brittany and Baby Shep's accident. Its amazing how time goes by so quickly. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them or their family. Brooke posted today on fb for the first time in a month. I can still hear the pain through her message. My thoughts and prayers go out to them daily. I know we will all get to see them again. I cant wait to see Brittany's Beautiful smile. and Shep's lil laugh. :)
I know they are constantly sending down love and comfort. And I pray they continue to do so. especially for the family.
Love you Britt and Shep!
My test is next Friday.....
Lets just say my heart drops in my stomach every time I say that. I feel that I could be more prepared, but I just don't have the time or the energy. I feel like I know a lot, So I'm just going to go in there with a positive attitude and Jesus on my side! I Pray I pass!
Roger and I are Wonderful! I couldn't be happier! He is such a wonderful man of God! :)
I don't think I have ever been this happy in my life.. its like everything is falling into place.
I was reading my journal the other night and all of my entries were sad love poems or love songs. One was a love prayer, and well I must say my prayer was answered! It pays off to obey God and to be patient! :)
I cant wait to see what the future holds for us! So much has already happened, I'm not sure if he realizes it or not, but I know that God has already started for mold us and shape us! :)
<3
I am back down to one job. lol
No more cleaning up after cats!!! thank god!
I haven't cleaned at the beach, because i have been studying so much for my test!
My best friend and I are so great! Caila is the best. We realized yesterday how close we really are. WE do everything alike! are boyfriends are even similar! LOL
anyways I love her!
moving on! I finally got my house clean and my flower beds redone! front and back!:) Roger bought me a water hose like i wanted! LOL he is the best! :)
I actually talked to my neighbor last night for a long time, we actually have a lot in common! he seems like a pretty cool guy! :) glad to know I have a great neighbor! :)
Anyways I better get back to work! :)
Oh P.S Im going to see Lady Antebellum Saturday!!! :)
~ALM~
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